The magic of Silence

As perfect as it is, universe always finds its way to deliver a message. I’ve been wanting to write and rehearsing in my mind and getting clear signs that I should. Okay!

How much and often do you question? I mean, the deep ones, the ones that ignite change or discomfort, the ones that make you move or freeze, the ones that make you grow.

I consider myself a little rebel, since I was young I struggled to fit in. I could never grasp the fact that someone would give me orders or tell me how to think, act or behave, that simply didn’t work (sorry mum and dad!). Not that I was super connected with myself, but I knew that something didn’t resonate within me. And that is seemingly a very strong part of me, I don’t settle and I don’t obey. I will always question.

And as I stumbled upon an article about an eclipse (from @moonomens), I found the best quote for what I wanted to write about:

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” — Albert Einstein

YES!

And when I say questioning, I don’t mean going out and asking everyone you know, I mean going IN. This is where you’re going to get your answers, the ones that are aligned with who you truly are.

I think first of all we need to ask the important questions, the ones that will make us understand our gifts and qualities, that will tear apart old beliefs, that will make us understand that we are unique and special in our own single way.

Do you truly accept yourself? Do you like what you see in the mirror? Do you like yourself even with “all the flaws” you say you have? By the way, what are flaws? Do you respect your timing? Do you accept your body? How is your relationship to it? Do you accept change? Do you compare yourself with others? Do you accept your sexual preference? Do you surround yourself with people that uplift you? How do you choose the people in your life? Do you give yourself permission to fail? Do you allow yourself to be sad sometimes? Do you allow yourself to celebrate your accomplishments? Are you gentle and kind with yourself? How is your inner talk? Is what you do aligned with what you believe? What do you really like? What are you good at? What are your talents? What makes you unique? What makes your heart explode with joy? What makes you happy? Are you living your life or the life someone expects you to live?

I could go on and on, but I think it’s possible to understand my point here.

No one can answer these questions for you, and neither can you with your logic-thinking mind. For that to happen you have to go within, you have to be in silence. There is no other way. You don’t need to go far for that, or to the Himalayas or so, 5 to 10 minutes a day in your room can already change your life completely. You don’t need to follow a religion or anything for that, silence has no rules or labels.

I used to suffer from severe depression, on and off meds, years of psychotherapy and psychiatrists, having my highs and lows, losing hope every time. At some point in my life I was graced with a loving partner who decided to walk the hard path with me, he held my hand and good Lord! It wasn’t easy, but he supported me in stopping the medications (supervised by a doctor, of course) and trying to understand the root of all that suffering.

I while after that I had contact with plant-medicine and on the day after the pain was so great, I cried for 6 hours non-stop. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to do something and going back to meds meant that I was doomed for life. I couldn’t accept that.

It sounds a bit funny, but the despair was so big I googled “how to heal depression without medicine?” and the first thing that came was “MEDITATION”. I confess by that time I’ve been avoiding that word, I was practicing some yoga but neglecting the existence of it. So, there I was, nowhere to run anymore. I knew something about the 21-day rule, so I decided to give it a shot. And I did it. I did not only the 21 days, but I’ve been doing it for the past 4 years every day and never again had this body swallow an antidepressant or a sleeping pill again. I’ve learned to respect my NORMAL human feelings and honour my cycles. I allow myself to feel, to experience sadness, anger, resentment. I also allow myself to feel joy, happiness and pleasure. I allow myself to be a human.

I’m not a teacher nor an expert, I’m just a curious person and that led me to experience great things and accomplishments (being off meds is a blessing), but most importantly, to learn to listen to myself and accept me as I am. I’m still learning. It’s a long journey, not the easiest one, but for sure the most joyful and rewarding. And I finish this text with an invitation for you to take some time in silence to listen to what it has to say, because “No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” -Nietzsche.

With love,

M.